Winter & Waiting

I don’t mean to break up your feed of Christmas lights and superbly decorated cookies, but these two words might strike a chord in your heart in this season, as they do mine. Raw and honestly - it's been a real “winter”, to say the least. A season of dry, cold, uncertainty - waiting, heartache, and distance. In answer to a prayer of furthered trust, the Lord has felt distant, and life has felt cold and uncertain without the warmth of His presence and peace. Praying continuously for direction and comfort to no avail, has taken its toll. 

And while obedience is still something we do amidst this season - obeying His commandments, despite how we feel - life with the Lord is often navigating how to proceed when we don't "feel" Him near, when we can't perceive His leading. Or if you're like me, and you deal with anxiety, this absence of feeling can register the same as an "it's-the-end-of-the-world" feeling. A natural, albeit, difficult part of our walk, in distance and uncertainty, it can often become easy to call it all into question. And for me, this season with the Lord and all its frustration, has overflowed into other relationships, and the already existing hardships seem hopeless.

People have pulled away when I've needed them most, and the Word's direction to “spur one another on towards love”(Hebrews 10:24) has fallen to the wayside with some, and shown greatly in others. 

Maybe this rings true for you too. You're navigating a season of hurt, loss, and waiting, amidst a season wrapped in the words "cheer", "merry", and "bright", and tied nicely with a bow of "family", "laughter", and "memories". All the while, it's a battle to align your heart with the mood around you, sing carols, and marvel at lights. Maybe it's the loss of a loved one, a fallen relationship, strain among family or friends, or memories brought about by this season that don't necessarily line up with the brightness of it all. 

And then I think about Christmas. And how Christmas for years was not "Christmas" at all. Christ hadn't yet arrived as a sleeping baby boy to save the world. People awaited their Savior, questioning and begging the Lord for their peace, and His presence. The 400 year gap between the Old Testament and the New, gives us a glimpse into that silence, that winter, that waiting before the Messiah came. I can only imagine the desperation in that perpetual cold and dark season before He came to change it all. 

In a sense, Christmas is waiting. We spend a whole month waiting and watching and gearing up for the arrival of Christ, and, when sight on the coming Light is lost, it can sometimes be agonizing, stressful, and difficult. When focus drifts from presence to presents, we’re left feeling empty and unhappy. 

At the Los Angeles Mission the other day, I watched as those, plagued by homelessness on Skid Row were waiting for their food. Anticipating a hot meal on that cold morning, they huddled together. 

And Jesus whispered, "joy". 

And I looked closer at the faces of those in that little tent and lined up around the block, and that is what I saw. Joy - huddled right there in the cold. Because they weren't subject to the circumstances by which they were in - their eyes were fixed on what was ahead. Their eyes were fixed on the warmth and hope that would greet them that day, and the warmth and hope that lives inside us when we know Jesus. 

Maybe a true "Christmas Season" is awaiting the arrival of a Savior, sometimes questioning where He is and where He's leading, but still walking by faith toward Bethlehem. A certainty in the knowledge that He's there, and our trek through the colder seasons is well worth it - because I'm sure what He taught Mary, Joseph and the wisemen and shepherds on the journey through the winter, was irreplaceable. But it was because they were focused on what they knew was coming, and not where they were, that they were able to keep on, continuously choosing the joy that comes with being a child of God, and the knowledge that joy is present even when happiness is not.  A focus on what God has promised is ahead, and how that promise is unwavering despite current circumstance. 

So if you’re finding yourself in the winter, know that you are not alone. You are supremely loved by a God who’s love is so great, He would humble Himself to become a baby and bring you perpetual joy. And though we may not always feel Him, in a battle of feeling vs. faith, we choose faith. We choose to stay rooted in God’s promise that “He will never leave you or forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6), despite what we’re feeling. Despite the cold. Despite the winter.  

We choose to look ahead and not behind, not at what could have been or what was missed, but to the future with a Savior whose name resounds with joy. 

We choose to follow that gentle nudge of Him saying "hey, hang in there. I'm here, I'm coming for you. Warmth is coming, but you have to get through the winter first."