a letter to my graduating friends
I’m upset. And I’ll just acknowledge upfront that I know there are so many worse things happening in the world, and my heart and prayers are with all who are suffering, made jobless, homeless, or a slew of other things by this pandemic.
But I think it’s also okay and healthy to acknowledge something else a lot of us are feeling. The same way that we wouldn’t tell someone not to be happy because someone else has it better, I also don’t think we should say that someone can’t be sad because someone else has it worse.
If you have been uprooted - which I suppose all of us have in some way - some to a new physical place, some to a completely new routine - I encourage you to re-pot. Plants that are taken from their home soil and re-potted can still grow, bear fruit, and give off oxygen. Even if you don’t want to be where you are, I encourage you to do this. If not, you may wither. Get in the sunlight. Get enough water. Learn a new rhythm, a new skill, find what brings you joy, and keeps your spirits high despite the circumstance. Make the most of the fact that we are lucky enough to be educated at all, even from at a distance. I know it’s hard, but I believe in you. And a bunch of other recently re-potted plants do too.
To all my graduating seniors - I’m so sorry. This writing will be for both my college and high school friends, as I understand the pain of both. My little brother is also graduating from high school this year, and tensions in our household about our shared lack of commencement and other activities is high.
College friends - ugh. I have looked forward to wearing an NYU cap and gown, seeing the Empire State building lit up in purple, and sitting in the sweltering heat in Yankee Stadium for our ceremony for the past 5-6 years. A few friends even nominated me to speak at my program’s ceremony, which would have been a dream come true to be chosen. And now, it’s cancelled, at least for the foreseeable future. We will wrap our classes on Zoom calls, and many of my friends have already moved home permanently, meaning a good amount of goodbyes won’t actually happen. This is not at all how I pictured my senior year going. It was supposed to be full of adventures and late nights at the library and far too much coffee and the soaking in of our last season all together.
After all our hard work to get accepted to university, all-nighters and other extremes to meet deadlines, pay our way through, and get the most out of college - this is how it ends. With very little warning, hardly any emotional/relational/scholastic preparation, and with an unforseen, global, abruptness. It’s no one’s fault, and universities have tried their best to handle it all with grace and safety, but still, just because something is handled with care, doesn’t mean it can’t be damaged.
This is not at all how I pictured this semester going, in fact, I began the year in a meeting with some of my friends encouraging us all to lean in, because this was the last time we’d all live in the same place, at the same time, doing the same thing. There is something about this that makes me so sad. That we don’t know where we will all be post-grad, and our time of any certainty will not be coming back. Not to mention we are graduating into the ill-equipped hands of an economic crisis…
High school friends - gosh. I am so sorry that you will be missing prom, commencement ceremony, grad night, etc. This last year of school, pre-entrance into the adult world, is really something special, and it is and was a memory I cherished, and was very careful to do well. I can’t, and your school probably can’t, give you back your prom or your last few months of togetherness, but I encourage you to not let go of your community yet. I encourage you to not slack off in your classes. Unlike college, which I suppose you could attend again and again to study various things, high school will not come again, you will not have consistent teachers, teams, clubs. Your world is about to really spread out, so hold it close while you can and as well as you can despite the circumstances.
To both sets of seniors - let’s grieve well. I think it’s a myth that to be sad about something is wrong or unhealthy. I think what we don’t work through has the potential to come back and kick our legs out from under us later. We have forgotten the lost art of lamenting and mourning, even though Jesus Himself says “blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted”(Matthew 5:4).
Imagine what we will get to tell our kids someday, as we take their graduation photos and sit in the sweltering heat for far too long. Imagine how in the future when we encounter a cancellation or movement of a ceremony for any other reason, it will ever feel quiite as dramatic as for the reason of a global pandemic. And imagine, how much more grateful we will feel to gather for a class, a club meeting, an anything, really, once this is all over. I don’t know about you, but I had lost a sense of gratitude for my education, and now, it is restored.
The word “commencement”, means ”beginning”, which I think is encouraging in and of itself. This is not the end, maybe it’s just the fresh start we never saw coming.
