delays are not denials
Life comes at us fast. Fast like the delivery man on an electric bike who you have to swerve to miss. Like the emotional break-down or break-up on the side of the road you were not prepared for. Like the heart attack of someone you love. We don’t see these things coming, and that’s kind of the whole point.
Last month, I felt like I’ve had a series of “just missed” things. Things that almost happened, crashes and burns and losses that threatened to come suddenly, and then, didn’t come at all. Things that felt like they were about to end, and then…didn’t. The thing is, you don’t actually want to lose or crash or break, but the whole experience gives you a certain kind of whiplash that leaves your head spinning and your heart hurting. You now have a bruised leg to deal with after you end up on the sidewalk, and a heart or two that needs to work again properly.
A few weeks ago, I was headed home from New York to California. I raced through LaGuardia with a latte and a bag full of all the books I planned to read on the plane (mhmm), thinking for sure I would be late. When I got to the gate, breathing heavily, coffee stains on my jeans, I saw that my flight was delayed a whole two and a half hours, so I slumped into a chair and stared out the window at the giant, winged machines as they came and went.
I fly standby, which means that my travel usually depends on the availability of seats on the plane. The flight I was supposed to be on was full, but because of the massive time change, people gave up to try to get on another flight, and I ended up getting the very last spot. As I finally boarded, thoroughly caffeinated, half-a-novel in, I heard the Lord say softly —
“Delays are not denials.”
I nearly stopped right there in the galley. An answer, a word straight to my heart about the season I was in, wanting things to heal, to be better, to see fruit and prayer answered in the timeline that I wanted. Things almost ending, but instead, just being delayed, not entirely denied.
Just because we are asked to spend more time with our own thoughts, working through our own feelings, does not mean the denial of something. Sometimes, taking time is actually the best way to prevent a denial, especially if you’re anything like me and you like to bulldoze your way through whatever obstacle to get to where you want to go. Sometimes, God is sweet enough to stop us and slow us and speak tenderly to the things in us that need to change so we can move forward.
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We took these photos in the desert. Driving out before the sun, Paolo and I ventured out to Palm Springs to take a lot of photos and adventure through the city. At the time, I remember thinking that it seemed fitting that we were driving through, not around the desert. It was a season for the both of us with a lot of desert-like feelings. Stretches of time and expanse that seemed sometimes to have too little water and too much hot air. We were thirsting for hydration and abundance again, and it seemed far.
God had taught me a while ago that trying to go around the desert only makes the journey longer, and this Palm Springs trip mirrored the way we had felt in the time preceding. So here we were, driving, walking, pushing each other sleepily, and stopping to take photos as we pushed through. Had we tried to avoid it or go around it, it would have taken a whole lot longer. Not to mention, we would not have had the same experience of witnessing God’s faithfulness to us. Looking back, I realize there was always enough water when we needed it. God never let us run dry.
Sometimes things take longer. Sometimes something turbulent happens, and you’re left to deal with the aftermath, to heal from what almost destroyed you. There is a sweet spot, even here, even in the delay. Strength is being built, harmful things are being weeded out, as we trust that what we might call a delay, God would simply just call His plan.
